Caring For Yourself in Exhuasting Times

I want us to wrestle with the question: How do we stay centered, grounded, healthy, hopeful and realistic in a season, where it feels so intense?

Let’s cut to the chase: if you’re a leader, you’re, in all likelihood, very very tired right now.

Some of you are worn out mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, vocationally – you think, “Can’t I just have a break for like 5 minutes?”

Like on a flight about to take off the fight attendant reminds us that in times of turbulence, oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling. And what do they always say? “Adjust your mask before assisting others.” This metaphor is more of the most important metaphors for me as I work with leaders to become healthy. It’s why I have an oxygen mask literally just a few feet away from me in my office to remind me of this invitation.

Self-care is so important for all of us, especially leaders, in this season. We must put on our masks first and then pull the straps tightly across our face so that we can be healthy and breathing to help others who are in need of assistance.

I want to offer you 8 specific ways leaders can make sure you’re involved in self-care and soul care:   

Recently I read an article by retired astronaut Scott Kelly who lived in the International Space Station for nearly a year. When he went to sleep, he was at work, when he woke up, he was at work. He said being in space is probably the only job you absolutely cannot quit. Here are some things he suggested.

• Follow a schedule

• Pace yourself – he said he had movie nights with his crewmates, they even had snacks, and binge-watched all the Game of Thrones – twice.

• One of his main pieces of advice: go outside. Obviously, he couldn’t. So he recommends everyone to do that often. He said he began to crave nature – the smell of dirt, the sight of green grass

• Get a hobby

• Keep a journal

• Connect with others

Although I’ve never been to space (but would love to go at some point, given an opportunity), I have a list I’d like to suggest to you.

1.     Stay active

• Work out, go for a walk around the block.

• I try to swim 3 days a week at Y even when I’m traveling.

• I hate running… but I still force myself to do that 3 times a week because I know it’s good for me. I don’t like running, but I like having run. I like when it’s over. I feel the benefits.

2.     Rest well – not just sleeping, but also playing

• I need to grow in this area

• Playing – being present and playing with my sons has been very, very grounding for me

• Especially for someone who can be focused and put my head down and work hard.

• Taco Tuesday Movie Night with Nacho Libre has been a real gift.

3.     Be grateful – keep a gratitude journal

• It genrates humility, adds perspective and keeps you present to the moment.  

4.     Ask yourself, and maybe make a list every single day, what is in my control and what is not in my control?

5.     Keep learning

6.     Unplug regularly – silence, solitude, prayer, paying attention to God

• I deeply desire a high quality analog life.

• My wife and I are learning to give each other breaks on the weekends where we get 2-3 hours to ourselves. When I take a chair to a park, and read in the sun – I feek like I come back a new man.

7.     Setting small achievable goals - daily, weekly, monthly

• “I want to run a marathon” vs “I am going to go for a walk around the block every day”

• “I’m going to write a book” vs “I am going to read a chapter of a book today before I go to bed.”

• By the end of the day, I need to have just completed these three things

• Track your progress

• Every afternoon my alarm rings on my phone at 5:20pm –“What did I accomplish today?

• It’s not for me to brag. It’s just 3 or 4 minutes for me to pause and say, “What did I do today? What got done? Where did I make progress? How did I invest my day?”

• It’s a good refresher for me to go through my emails and my calendar before returning to spend time with my family.  

8.     Be real (when you are not well, tell people)

• People can tell what leaders are feeling and then take on some of it themselves.

• I have good news: calm is contagious.

• I’ve got bad news: so is anxiousness.

• So, it’s important we are honest with ourselves and others.

      i.     Who can you tell to say, “I’m not doing well.”

      ii.     Tell a counselor, a friend, a mentor, a coach, a spouse

      iii.    Texting: “I’ve had a rough day.” 

      iv.     Maybe it’s helpful to go write down feeling words

 In no way is this an exhaustive list (and I hope it’s not an exhausting list either – instead, I hope it’s life-giving).

 Speaking of life-giving, as we talk about this crucial topic, I am reminded of the words of Jesus that he offers to us at the end of Matthew chapter 11. I love the way Eugene Peterson worded it in the Message translation:

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

What an invitation for us as leaders.